Why Are Wives The Glue?

by Vickie and Tania August 19, 2020

No matter who you’re married to, it’s hard. Compromise is hard. Communicating is hard. Having a family is hard. It’s not for the faint of heart. This is amplified for spouses of law enforcement. There are a million stressors added onto the traditional marriage structure, and the wives are usually what’s holding it all together. Being a spouse of law enforcement takes courage.

Below, we share our two perspectives about what it’s like to be married to a first responder, as a civilian and first responder.

Tania's Perspective:

Well, for me being a first responder as well, it really took a lot of balance in our marriage to be able to nurture each other. But as a woman and a wife, I still felt that I was responsible for my husband. There were many times where we both were working 12-hour shifts. When we came home, I would rather have Steve go into the room and sleep and my roll as a wife would come into play. I would still have to take care our children and our home and then I would sleep or nap to get ready to go back to work. For a wife, that is also in Law Enforcement it’s almost a double whammy. You have to be there as a wife, a mother and then a First Responder. You put yourself under the same type of stressors and challenges at work that you both bring home. Because we were both first responders, we were able to talk about work, we figured life out really well together and we were each other’s safe place. We worked hard at finding a balance in all of this.

Vickie's Perspective:

Well, this is where Tania and I have two different perspectives. I’m coming from the side of being a civilian wife. So, I wasn’t in law enforcement. I was the wife of a Detective. I think you don’t realize your strength at first. I don’t think you realize how much they do need you, how much they need your support until, excuse my language, the shit gets real! It does in this job and we’re living it right now. We are seeing this is about as real as it gets. There were a couple of incidents when my husband was working, there were riots and he didn’t come home for two weeks. It’s times like that, when you realize you’ve got to be a Dad, Mom, carpooler, pay the bills and handle business.

I’ve always had my own career and consider myself strong. I strongly believe we all have it in us. It’s just times that you’re tested and you might have to dig deep, some us of deeper than others. You do have the strength to hold your family together. I thank God I was raised to be a strong woman. My Dad raised me that way, he wouldn’t have it any other way, so I was blessed. When my husband was diagnosed with Cancer, I realized that I really was going to have to take the lead on this. I would need to become his strength, protector, doctor, nurse, his end all be all. There was so much to it and I realized in that moment we are the glue that holds our family together!